if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
