I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
