all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
