32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
