She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
