that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
