I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
