Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
