Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
