brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
