i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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