so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
