tell your sister to shave her snatch
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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