He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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