just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
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