Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
