I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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