i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
