I'm really into asian looking animals
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
