I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
