The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
