its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
