I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
