actually, I'm a sock model
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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