Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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