Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
