Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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