im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
