you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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