You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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