Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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