we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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