Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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