Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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