It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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