I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
