I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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