I must be too annoying 4 u.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
