We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
