you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
