found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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