I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We're too hungover to prance.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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