dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
