Sry I called you an 8
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize