So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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