my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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