He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
A bitchslap is in order.
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