Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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