I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
