You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
