I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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