no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
