I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
