I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
