he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
