I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
