Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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