Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
