Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
