Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
