I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
