They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
