He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
