Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
