I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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