dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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