How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
