i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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