her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
