I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
