if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
BRING THE BAGELS
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
