I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize