Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
