Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
