I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
