i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
