Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
