I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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