Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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