We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
