no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
