It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
