Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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