We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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