This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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