just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
