All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
