I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
