I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
