You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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