Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
