For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
