Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
