haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
