The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
