I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
