sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
