Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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