i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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