I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
