i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize