too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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