...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you had me at cake vodka
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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